Christmas was good this year. For movies I got the first DVD for Inu Yasha, Young Frankenstein, X2, Finding Nemo, Pirates of the Caribbean, Two Week's Notice, and The Dark Crystal. For manga (Japanese comics) I got Volumes 3-6 of Inu Yasha, the entire Wish series (by CLAMP), and volumes 3-5 of Sorcorer Hunters. I also got Final Fantasy VIII. Yup, Christmas was definately good.

I received my report card a few days ago as well. I managed to get a B in both Mythology and Human Geography, an A in Chemistry and Math, and a C in my Child Psychology class. Those grades brought me up to a 3.0 for my GPA. I'm so happy about that.

I've been thinking a lot lately...mostly about guys. Well, specifically about two guys. One is Dan (that's a given), and the other is Chris. Chris is this guy that I work with. I've been hanging out with him for the past few weeks. I do like him and I've had a crush on him before, but I can't see anything happening between us. First of all, he still hangs out with his ex-girlfriend.The three of us are pretty good friends, so if anything happened between Chris and I, she would be very angry. However, Chris also doesn't really know how to respect a woman. I'm not going to go into details, but when he calls Jenny, his ex, stupid every time I see them together, I kinda got to wonder why she still likes him.

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School will be over tomorrow. All I have left is to take my psychology and mythology final, and then I'm done! Yay!! Anyway, now in my room for ACEN is me, Becky, Brian (Becky's new boyfriend), and Dustin, I think. Dustin may have actually gotten a job, and if he keeps it, he'll most likely go. Otherwise I think he said he'd have to join the army or something like that.

Okay, this past monday lex and I exchanged Christmas gifts. She got me the second Inu Yasha movie and this Inu yasha artbook. I was able to watch the movie last night, and I was so glad I did. It was really, really good. I loved it. I want to watch it again tonight, but I have to write a few papers for my mythology class as well as for psychology.

Tomorrow after my psychology final, I'm going to Mitsuwa. I miss the japanese food, so I'm going to go as a sort of celebration. I mean, I survived a whole semester with McTighe, my mythology teacher, and all my other classes. It's almost like a school's-out-so-lets-go-party kind of thing. I can't wait for next semester though. Dan's coming back, Rafael said he was going to be here next semester, Spazz got dragged into coming back, and yeah. I'm going to have classes with Chris too.

Oh, now that I remember. Mark got into a car accident last Thursday. He's okay, but he is really sore. His car got totalled though. Okay, here's what happened. He was driving to work and the car in front of him slammed on his brakes because of a red light, or something like that. So Mark slammed on his, and both the SUV in front of him and Mark himself came to a complete stop. The jeep behind Mark, however, didn't. The lady driving the jeep slammed into Mark's car, causing the front of Mark's car to go up under the SUV. He told me that something from the back of his car hit the back of his head, but he doesn't know what. So now there's a peak in the middle of his hood, and his rear bumper is gone. The lady driving the jeep got a ticket, of course, but she didn't even apologise to Mark. Grr to the lady. Anyway, Mark is going to the courts because of this, so yeah. Oh, and the SUV didn't hit any other car, so it was only the three.

I thought I was done Christmas shopping, but then Jumi reminded me that I still need to shop for Becky. Meow.. I think I might do that after Mitsuwa tomorrow.

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Life has been hell. I haven't spoken to Oscar since that day, so he's no longer going to ACEN, and school has been taking over my life. Surprisingly I don't work a single day this weekend, but I still have work to do. Jumi is coming over to my house tomorrow so we can finish a project for our human geography class, I have a couple of psychology papers to write, and I have a mythology paper to write as well. I am so glad that school is over in three weeks. the only downside to that is finals.  I hate school...

Anyway, I don't even have my Christmas shopping started. I'm going to try and go on Sunday, but that all depends on how much homework I can get done tomorrow. I think I need a drink..

Speaking of which, Lex as yet to give up on what happened at ACEN last year. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just refer to the entry on May 18. The only part that isn't written in that entry is that she told me that she was seriously doubting our friendship of 11 years. Anyway, she broke up with her boyfriend, Dustin, who was supposed to room with her this ACEN, but now she's all alone. I told her to make it cheaper for all of us, she could just room with me, but no. She said she didn't want a repeat of what happened last time, which really pissed me off. She can't get over shit. Besides, it wouldn't be a repeat. This time around no one will make any promises to anyone. But I don't care anymore. If she really wants to doubt our relationship like that just because I got drunk and accidently ditched her, then so be it. And I mean on accident. Lex and Jumi had called Steve's cell phone, wondering where we were and told him that the dance party hadn't started yet, and Steve didn't bother to tell us that they were waiting for us. Jumi's no longer mad about it and has moved on, but Lex can be so goddamn stubborn. Grrr....

On to a happier note. Actually, I don't have a happier note. Well, not at the moment anyway. Life sux. That and I'm not over Dan (which is a recent revelation), so now everything sux. Everything is against me, even if they don't mean to be. I just want to bash my head against my monitor, but then my father would be angry with me if I broke it, only adding to my growing anger at nothing already. meow..

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Word of the day: Grr...

I am so pissed off right now. My supposed friend Oscar was supposed to be in Guatamala right now, but I just learned that he is actually still in the US. That really pisses me off. He could've called or something. That asshole. Grr....  I also learned that he either plans on moving to Guatamala or down to West Virginia. I don't know when, but I really wish he would've told me. I mean, the last time I talked to him was when we were supposed to go to Mitsuwa together. I was also supposed to take him to ACEN, but I don't think that's going to happen anymore. Besides, I also learned that he's been ditching a lot of his friends. It might be better for me anyway if I didn't take him to ACEN. I can see him becoming a nuicence right away. Oh well. I doubt my other hotel roommates would've liked him anyway.

So much has to be planned for ACEN. I'm already collecting money for it, but I still have to register and figure out how I'm going to get there. I know it's still 7 months away, but if you think about it, May will be here any moment and yeah. I always seem to stress over stupid things. However knowing that Oscar isn't going helps me take off some of the stress...stupid ass bastard...

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Well it happened. Lex and Dustin split up a couple weeks ago. Now she's on the rebound, though she'll never admit it. Hell, she even said she's going to give up on guys. That'll never happen either. She's already interested in this guy; like I said, Lex is on the rebound. But it's her love life, why should I get in the way of it?

Last night, Lex made me do a lot of thinking. See, last night was when she told Jumi and I that she was interested in this guy, Joe. We know Joe, so we decided to tell her (or warn her, if you will) about Joe and the way he acts. All of a sudden she becomes so negative about her love life, saying that she's never going to find a guy that will stay with her or some bullshit like that. It made me think about how we, as in people, give other people these high expectations and want them to meet those expectations. I'm no exception. I watch to much TV and anime so usually i expect guys to be the heroic kind of guy, but still be romantic and what not. I know that can never happen, but it really didn't set in till last night. Even now, I would love to have an over-jelous, protective boyfriend that would love me and I would love him. Although, I may rethink the over-jelous part.

This realization made me think about a lot of things. It made me remember Corey for one. What if I had given him the chance? Although, even if I did give him the chance, I doubt we would've lasted long because of his drug use. It also made me think about Dan.

...I haven't thought about Dan in a long time. It wasn't until the other night I thought about him at all. I had a dream with him in it, and he was sad, depressed over something. The sad part is that I'm not so sure I'm completely over him yet. I can't deny that I didn't have feelings for him, or that I don't now. I still want him to be my friend if anything. I miss him a lot. Although the one thing I miss the most is being held in his arms. I only got to experience it once, and I would love to experience it again. Sure, when it did happen I was so happy because I liked him at the time, but now I realize that the reason I loved being held by him is because I felt loved. Yes, many people love me, and they express it in their own way. But just knowing that a guy, outside of my family, would love someone like me is..well, it just makes me happy, you know? I've been single way to long, yet, for some unknown reason, I still live in solitude. Why?

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I can't even answer my own question about my own life. How sad is that? Although, I suppose that maybe I do have an answer. Perhaps the reason why I am so alone is because I am afraid. I am afraid that if I let someone in, they'll leave me in the end. My friends do it all the time. The girls generally stick around, but for some reason, when I show a guy my true side, they think of me as mean. If they knew me better, they would realize that I just joke around. For this reason, I have to keep myself bottled up, which can be very lonely. All I can think about is curling up into a little ball and crying my heart out. However, that will never solve anything. The only thing I can do is keep on living, hoping that one day someone will open up my heart and push his way through the darkness.

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